This morning, the dark kitten, the one my daughter calls the “fluffy, neurotic one,” hissed at me as I walked into the bathroom.  He always greets me with this reminder of his wild beginnings, his wild mother, his own wild nature that resists being with me.  Within moments, however, he climbed onto the cat tree that I was standing next to and let me pet him.  As I gently scratched behind his ears, neck and back, his body collapsed into the carpeting, every muscle relaxed so that he looked a little flattened, his purr signaling complete approval.

Dave and I have a dilemma.  Dave says we don’t need another cat, another animal, one more responsibility.  As it is, we feed Sima, our Siamese nibbler, separately from Tasha, our couch potato cat, who attends FWW, Feline Weight Watchers.  Kittens would need another feeding regimen altogether and need to be fed separately as well.  Besides our cats, we have 3 goats, 2 llamas, 6 chicks, and one hen.  Not to mention the feral Mama Cat that has adopted us.  Or is it that we adopted her?

He’s right that these animals complicate our lives.  When we want to travel, there are so many directions for whomever we choose to care for our menagerie.  This morning, I took Tasha to eat with the kittens.  This went smoothly until the dark kitten jumped onto the toilet, and then looked threateningly as he considered jumping on the sink counter where Tasha was eating.  Tasha hissed, panicked, and then refused to finish her food.  Tasha never refuses to finish her food.

Still, in time, it could all work out if….

If I really want the fluffy neurotic kitten, clearly my favorite, Dave might eventually give in.  We’ve been together long enough for me to know that if I have a heart’s desire (and I beg long enough), most of the time, Dave will let me have my way, even though it is not what he wants, and he may resent the decision later.  This isn’t always good for him or for me either.  I’m sure there have been times that I’ve taken advantage of this, but I try not to.  Right now, I want to move slowly, careful of Dave’s reasoning and his desire, while still acknowledging what I want — if I knew what I wanted.  I’m still not sure exactly why this kitten draws me to him so much.  Makes me wonder about my own fluffy, neurotic self.

I had originally planned to make a decision last week but decided to put it off until next Wednesday, the day they will get neutered and their shots.  Maybe I’m just trying to put off the decision, not sure what the decision should be.  I wish the answer were more clear.