Marriage / Couples

Let it be a dance we do
May I have this dance with you
Through the good times
And the bad times, too
Let it be a dance.
                 ~ Anonymous

Some couples have an agreement to never disagree. Others have repeating arguments that never end and never have a satisfying resolution. Both of these communication styles can lead to problems in a marriage or relationship.

Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship, and if there isn’t a good way to talk about them, then people harbor resentments (sometimes unconsciously) about what is unresolved. 

After awhile, the resentments can feel unbearable. Learn to express yourself in a way that your partner might be more receptive to listening to you.  And learn to really listen and be curious about what is important to your partner. Let those conversations actually resolve what is troubling in your relationship. You can also learn to appreciate how you and your partner’s differences may actually enhance the relationship and ultimately lead to increased closeness and intimacy.

But what about more serious issues?  There are other issues like affairs, addictions, or abuse that can more immediately threaten or challenge the fiber of a relationship. Of course, not every relationship can or should be saved. However, by understanding what motivates your own behavior as well as your partner’s, you can learn how to relate to one another while you decide what is possible. Many times, the situation that brings about the crisis in the relationship, in retrospect, actually serves to help partners begin a process that later enhances their individual growth as well as that of the relationship.

Jozeffa specializes working with couples and relationships. She is certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). She previously trained for over ten years with the Couple’s Institute in Menlo Park.